Im not one for big words right now so excuse my small post for such an important issue, but it seems to have already hit brush fire and I wanted to give everyone the details before they get tangled up.
I went in this week to get my lab results. Cool enough my relief society President works next door to my lab. So I went over there to read the results. Turns out that the cancer count has gone up 13 points. Boy was it nice to have her shoulder to cry on. Tyler was at pre-school so I spent the morning confused and very emotional. But once I picked Tyler up from school I wiped my tears away for the day and moved on. We went to the park and giggled and played around the house. I wont let my mind wonder, stay focused and stay strong with some tears along the way. Which is only expected right.
Now for the details:
Whats this all mean? It means the surgery didnt get it all.
Whats the next step: Doctor called today and wants to do a CT Scan, and Ultra Sounds of the neck within the next month. We are crossing our fingers it hasnt spread to the lungs. Radiation or continual surgery may be needed. We will find out more once those results have come in. And yes I will be getting a second opinion, and wont allow myself to worry till there's something to worry about.
How do I feel: I'M GONNA FIGHT WITH ALL POSITIVE STRENGTH I'VE GOT. I have shed many tears and had my depressing moments this week, but what do you do. I have come to a cross road and realized you can get mad, you can get depressed, you can cry all day but guess what it doesnt change a darn thing. I had terrible nightmares all night last night but every time I woke out of them I would find myself singing this song and calming my nerves. Heavenly father really does know me and knows my pain. he knows I learn best from music and lyrics and I know he placed this song in my head for a reason. I wanted to share with you my theme song as I prepare to "STAND" tall against this terrible disease. I promise all of you I am channeling this energy in a positive direction and leaning on the spirit more than every for guidance and peace. I will keep you all updated. Please keep me and my family in your prayers.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I WILL "STAND"
Posted by Keri at 3:23 PM
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14 Little Monkeys:
Oh Dang it!!! You are so strong and positive! I will keep you in my prayers.
WE will be praying for you and your family.
You are in my prayers. Call me when you need me to take the boys--anytime.
Keri, I am impressed by your inner strength and your commitment to being a superb mother. You are teaching us all so much. I love you!
I'm so sorry Keri. We'll be thinking and praying for you.
I cried when I read this Keri I hate that your family is having to go through this but you are strong and you have the Lord on your side nothing is stronger than that. I am so impressed by the way you keep your head up like you always do. Know that I am constantly thinking about you and praying for you.
Keri, it was so great to reconnect with you too. I'm so sorry to hear about your news. We will definitely keep you in our prayers. If I were home, I'd definitely help you with your boys, my boys would love it! Rob and I will be moving back to Nevada once he's finished with law school.The boys and I will move during his spring break at the end of March and Rob will join us in May. Please, let me know what I can do to help once I get there. Stay STRONG girl :)
I wish I knew what to say. My heart hit my stomach when I read this news, and it is hard to hold back the tears. It would be easy to sugar coat it, but I cannot imagine the pain you are going through Keri. If I could shoulder your pain for even one second so that you could rest I would do it in a heartbeat. You are one of the purest people I have met, and you have always been such an example to me. You still are. I thank you for that. I know that you are thinking, "I am not perfect." Yet, in trial you are. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone shoulder and bear a trial so well. Thanks for your example and your faith.
I don't know why you have to go through this, and I wish with all my heart and soul that the surgery had worked and taken ALL of the "cancer bugs." It kills me knowing that there is more fight to endure for your family. I pray with all the ability within me that it is not in your lungs because I know what that means for you, for your boys and for Perry and I hope that that is not a road that you must travel. I cannot imagine your fear, hurt and your anger as well as your imense peace. Like you, I know the Lord is VERY carefully watching over your family. He knows the furture, and how He must cry for the pain and hurt that you must endure. I cannot imagine our Saviors sweet love for you to have endured all that you are enduring. I don't believe it was just for the pain of sin that He bled from every pour of his body in the Garden. I cannot imagine the tears He must shead for you trials. One thing I learned these past few months was that His relm of understanding over shoudows our own, never forget that as you struggle through these next VERY scary months. I know how hard it is to put a smile on when inside you are screaming with pain, fear and frustration, but don't stop. You sound to better than I was. Your example will shape the lives of your sons in words that cannot be said or expressed on paper. If you need a shoulder, call 208/366-2369. Let people help you, and go to the temple as often as YOU can. Even if Perry cannot go due to work, go. I never found more peace in my life during our family trial (that was NOTHING compared to yours) than I did the times I was in His home. I know you know the power that is there, but the strenght that will come into your soul will magnify and help you as well as your family. There is a power that that I cannot explain in words because until you drink of the sweet spirit of the temple often it's understanding cannot be explained. All I can do is testify of it's power to help in ways that are incomprehendable.
I am SO sorry Keri. I wish I could do more than prayers right now. Your strength does more for us who are sitting on the side lines praying and cheering you and your family on than you will ever know. I only hope that we can say that we endure trials as well as you do when we stand before the Lord. To have an ounce of your strength and your faith would make our lives so much easier.
Stay close, stay strong, and millions of prayers will raise up to the Lord in behalf of your family. Don't forget, let others help you. As hard as that is, I am sure that there will be days when you just need to have the peace and quite of your home to pray and read your scriptures to try to wrap your head around things. Allow those around you to take your boys so that you can keep up the fast pass that you have to with your boys. I know it isn't easy, but their lives will be blessed because of the chance for service.
More than anything, you will be in our prayers. We love you dearly Keri. If you need a vaction somewhere slower and quiter, our door is open 24-7. We'd love to have you at anytime.
All our love!!
Keri!!! No! That is not what you were supposed to say. You were supposed to say that it is all gone! But, the Lord knows what he's doing. I'm proud of you for crying but then stepping back up to the motherhood plate. That is such a good song for you in this time. Music is a very powerful tool; it is great that you are so connected with it. We will pray that everything will be okay. I love you girl!
Keri,
You are the strongest person I have met and you will fight through this!!! I cry every time I read your posts because you really know how to write and express. You have a gift!I love you guys SOOO much and am sending all the positive thoughts out there to your family. Please call ANYTIME of the day if you want to talk and have a shoulder to lean on. I am there for you always even though I don't live close by and I think about you and Perry and my precious nephews every day!!
Love,
Candy
Oh Keri, I am so sorry to hear your results. You are such an amazing person. You have such a great strength about you. I know that your Heavenly Father knows you best and will help you through whatever is asked. You are in our thoughts and prayers! Wish I lived closer so I could help you out with the everyday things.
Keri, I just Love you! As I read all these other posts You must realize how many peoples lives you have touched. Including mine. You have always had a smile on your face and a way of making others laugh. At girls camp I always remember you as the funniest girl, You are so FUN! and still are. Your boys sure are lucky to have such a fun and loving mommy. You and your family will always be in our prayers.
You are such an inspiration! I love your positive attitude. Of course we will be praying for you!
I'm very sorry that your battle must continue. There is little that can be said in way of comfort. If you ever need anything please let me know. I know I'm in Dayton but it really is only a 15 min drive, so even just to hang out take a break from all PLEASE call me!!!
Michelle
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