Mommy...What does pregnant mean?

Okay so I went to church today and had a lot of people pass me bye in the hals asking if I was okay. I looked worn out, tired, and sick. Oh and they couldnt help but mention my new little cute tummy. Instead of making some wild excuse for my lively appearance (Hence sarcasm)I went ahead and spilled the beans. I really feel like this is a good way of Heavenly Father letting me be okay and comfortable with this new little one. Let me explain a cute little story I so badly wanted to journal weeks ago but never did.

About 3 weeks ago we went for a family bike ride. Tyler being on his very own bike(Training wheel Free) and Perry pulling the other two boys in the bike trailer. Boy I wish I would have brought my camera for this family event. Its was so much fun. We rode our bikes all around town for like 3 hours. Its was a blast and Tyler never once complained he loved every minute.

As we were riding along this nice little path Tyler asks me what the word pregnant meant. *Note we wernt planning on telling the kids at that point until we had a confirmed heartbeat. I asked him what he thought it meant. His reply was " Mommy you always say that word to Daddy and you forget that I am 5 years old now. I know these things. I know that word. Dont be kidding me Mommy it means you have a baby in your tummy again. I knew it all along."

Well then..thats that. I stopped my bike and gave him a big hug and confirmed his definition to be true. I told him I was sorry I didnt tell him sooner I just wanted to make sure the baby was really healthy this time. It was at that moment that I realized that my little 5 year old is capable of understanding a lot more then I thought. He gave me a hug back and said "Don't worry Mom...when daddy goes to work Ill take good care of you and my brothers so you can rest." I just love that boy of mine. Such love for his Mama and her new baby.

I am now 9 weeks along and have gone in several times for ultra sounds to confirm proper growth and health in Baby and I. Things look terrific in fact about 3 weeks ago we got to hear the baby's heartbeat and see the little arms and legs begin to form. What comfort that was to see. I have been pretty sick and beyond tired. Sometimes I wonder if Ill make it through alive with these 3 little monekys and summer time amongst us. With my moms help during the day im able to somehow survive my days. We seem to be eating a lot of take out dinners and simple bland meals. Hopefully the kids will be able to bounce back once I feel better cause I basically have them on a fend for yourself diet at this point. But all this to me is one HUGE blessing to be sick and tired knowing my baby is taking from me and growing perfectly. I now have to wait 3 weeks to hear the heartbeat and see the baby again. Though I carry a lot of anxiety and fear I try to remain focused on the peace the spirit gives me and the sickness I feel that symbolizes that all is well.

So here's to our little caboose...I have lots of question I still ponder and search for pertaining to my miscarriage and this second chance baby, but in the Lords time it will all make sense and Ill have that peace in knowing and understanding my 4th and now 5ht pregnancy better as I ponder the experiences along the way and search for answers. I had such a strong connection with my 4th pregnancy even though we lost it so early. Its was a beautiful everlasting connection that I will cherish forever. So here's to second chances, healing, and faith. Time to enjoy and embrace this last chance to carry a sweet little child of mine.