I Surrender

As a Mother, you know its time to surrender when you find yourself falling to the floor in tears with every step you take. Thats how crippling this pain is. After my incision reopened last week and we have been cleaning it out and packing it each day, it feels like the never ending sore. Over the weekend I learned a good lesson. I wanted to believe I was doing better, I wanted to be rid of this drama and pain. I figured if I forced my mind to move forward and not focus on it that it would be manageable. That was not the case. After attending church all Sunday and pushing myself all monday morning tending to my 4 boys, I realized I can not longer do this alone.

You see I am a very stubborn individual. I would like to think that I can do more then I can handle at times. This situation being the greatest example. I dont want to be crippled of my Motherly Duties. Its so hard to be "Out of Order". But after having my boys watch their Mother fix lunch in tears I realized its time to give up that power. Its just to hard on the boys to see me this way. I so desperately wanted to feel better and be done with this pain, but the time is not now. After a good long heart to heart talk with my Mom, I have decided its best for the boys and myself to surrender all Mommy Duties to MiMi(my mom). If the only way to manage this pain is to lay low Ill do it. If that means sending my kids off to Grandmas house morning till night I'll do it. At least I live close to family and thats an option for me. Just another perk for living so close to my Mom. Shes a great Grandma and the boys absolutely love going over to her house. I miss my boys terribly, I miss cuddling and snuggling them on my lap, I miss tending and caring for their needs, I miss having a clean house, I miss a lot of things. But I will say since I have surrendered, I am able to lay low and cradle my deer sweet baby Ryan all day long. A moment in time that I am learning to cherish and embrace. A true blessing in disguise. I have my whole life to be that "Supermom" for now Im far from it.