Okay first off Im sorry these pictures are discolored and hard to see. The one above was taken with my cell phone and the one below by my three year old. Tyler started swim lessons this week and loves it. Since we lie so close its been nice to walk there and not only save on gas but work on losing a little of my baby fat off my hips. Its nice to get fresh air each morning and talk about all the neat sounds and things we see. Tyler told me today his favorite part of the day is swim lessons. That was my intention for signing him up, is to give him a daily activity that would be fun.
So today I walked all three boys to swimming lessons. About half way down the street I realized I must be nuts. both babies were crying and Tyler was asking a billion question about nothing. I was huffing and puffing cause I was so hot and out of shape. Wow what a work out. Then once we got there I was trying to cheer Tyler in the water, Breast feed Spencer, and watch Trevor. Talk about insane. After I forced myself to walk back home I found myself in tears the rest of the day. I just told myself I am at my braking point. Ive got to do something to get out of this dark hole.
Thats when I said a prayer. I felt such a peace about giving Spencer a bottle. SO I DID! And it was great. He drank 4 oz. right off the bat. I had all these feeling rushing through my mind. The most was money. How are we gonna afford this. But after having a nice talk with Ali I took a step back and look at myself. I am just not happy. Im stressed, Im tired, Im overwhelmed, and Frustrated..and on top of it I dont feel pretty. I have completely let go of myself and I need to get grip. So this is my plan. Im gonna start bottle feeding Spencer and taking time for myself each day. At first I though it was a selfish decision but after talking to Ali I realized its only for the best. Ive gotta take care of myself so I can take care of my family. Its time to worry about me a little more and because of that I wont be so stressed. So stay tuned for more updates on my personal mission to pamper myself more. First it will be a nice haircut.
Sorry this has been such a raw and honest post. But it feels good to share with you my feelings. Wish me luck in bottle feeding and self pampering.
Thanks so much for all you advice and support. Its so nice to know Ive got all you awesome Mommies to back me up when Im feeling down. You guys are great. thanks again.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Reached My Braking Point
Posted by Keri at 4:14 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 Little Monkeys:
That's my girl! A wise person once said "If you don't love yourself, how are you supposed to love anyone else?" You are doing what is best for you and your family right now. Give yourself a pat on the back. You are beautiful, you are strong! Trust me, after the first six months, it gets WAAAAY better. :-)
Good job!! I knew you would know what would be the best for you and your family because you are so close to the Lord. Just remember the feelings you felt when you prayed and don't forget it even when it is hard. Just keep smiling, and give the kids our love. Don't forget yourself throughout the day!!
I'm glad you've found a way to de-stress a little. It's probably best for you body that you aren't taking all your calories and energy to breastfeeding a baby. You're body probably needs to recoup after the last couple years of baby carrying and feeding and then prior to that the cancer. A haircut will always make you feel good!
Post a Comment