Trevor's Words of Comfort

Today my two older boys came down with this nasty flu. As I sat and snuggled with them on the couch I decided to pick up my "Parents" magazine and thumb through it. I stumbled across an article that made my heart sink. I had to catch my breath as I realized that I caught the title of this article to soon to dodge or turn the page. Part of me wanted to skip right over it and move on, but the other part of me had already began to reopen those emotions and fears I have nestle so deep inside. In a sense it was to late. As the tears fell down my cheeks I read this story about a young Mother that delivered a baby with Downs Syndrome. I allowed myself to feel and carry those emotions again. I have felt so strong and at peace for several weeks that everything would be okay. I was finally moving on and enjoying all the wonderful changes and growth my baby was allowing me to experience. And at that moment all my feelings of peace and comfort were distorted by my fears and anxiety. I havnt allowed myself to cry in a long time over these possibility's. I have remained strong and together for my family and kids. This was a time I became very weak and fragile as my heart began to embrace the strong possibility's that in nearly 3 months I may experience the same confusion and sadness this Mother faced. I was memorized by the beautiful pictures of this precious down syndrome baby girl and couldnt help but find myself starring at a picture of a real angel on earth. I began to find peace and comfort again and solace as I gazed over these pics and words expressed and reminded myself of the great privilege this mother and I possibly may have to raise such a perfect soul with a not so perfect body.

Trevor noticed my tears streaming down my face and rushed over to me and wrapped his little arms around my belly and giggled and smudged his little nose and face into my belly as he whispered out loud his love and excitement for his baby brother. He does this often lately. He holds and cradles my belly as though he is holding and nurturing his little brother. He told me how much he loves his little brother and cant wait to see him. Theres something unique about Trevor. I have found much spiritual strength through Trevors love and devotion to his brother. I have been looking lately at Trevors face and eyes and have found his features to be familiar to me in a spiritual sense. I hold a very sacred and spiritual experience in my life that has me to believe that his words of love and comfort go far beyond our earthly life together. He is a very loving, compassionate, sensitive little man and always has a way to make his Mother feel okay and calm. In these pictures I remember those feelings of peace and comfort that came rushing over me again as he snuggled away my fears. His simple innocent Love for his baby brother brought things back in focus and I found my heart back in that same positive peaceful state it was in before reading that article. Thanks for your gentle innocent words of comfort Trevor. I know everything will make sense in the eternity's, but something is very familiar about our spiritual connection and compassion for this baby thats coming. I wish I understood all that I desire to understand about this pregnancy an past miscarriage, but I am seeing bits and pieces unravel as I notice your unconditional empathy and love for your family and especially your MaMa.
I dont know all the answers and reasoning's behind these personal sacred experiences I hold dear to myself, but I dont think I am supposed to at this time. All I know is that Im very grateful for your random belly snuggles today, they swept away all my fears and anxiety. You'll never know what that did for me today. Seeing you love your baby brother so forgiving and so flawlessly helped me realize that "Everything is Gonna Be Okay" however this baby is born. Thanks for that peace.