Baby Ryan 32 weeks - Faith Will Overcome Fear.

This past Wednesday the day before Thanksgiving Perry and I revisited the specialist to evaluate baby Ryan and see how he and I were doing. It seemed everything took a turn for the worst once Doctor got a good view of the Placenta. Things got quite as Doctor began to explain. He basically told me the placenta is aging quicker then normal. Theres a more technical term for it, but it's easier told in Lamens terms. He continued to explain to me that the placenta is showing an age of 36 weeks, leaving not much more time for baby to be given the nutrients it needs to go full term. He noticed Ryan is under weight and only 10% on the growth chart, due to this issue. Hes concerned that baby is not receiving antiquate nourishment or oxygen and that the placenta may fail sooner then we want. To make matters worse my blood pressure is beginning to elevate which doesnt help the situation.

I never knew how scary this last month could be for both Baby and I. Bed Rest may be headed my way if the blood pressure doenst come down, due to pre-clampsia. Docs are taking this very seriously and will be doing stress tests twice a week to make sure baby Ryan doesnt fall under any stress. If so he will have to be delivered sooner then we would want. Doctor told me this placenta problem is on of the #1 leading causes to pre-term labor and also still births. Soemtimes theses kinda of baby's fall under to much stress during delivery.

Youre probably wondering how Perry and I are taking this all in. Its an emotional roller coaster and has been from the beginning. This is a special little soul coming down to earth, maybe to special. Yeah I have my moments were fear begins to seep in and leave me frantic and anxious, but I try to remind myself of the peace and stillness I have worked so hard to gain through out this pregnancy. That gift has been given to me to rely on and to keep me strong. Though my mortal mind takes over at times and leaves me feeling hopeless, my Heavenly Father always finds ways to remind me of his love and support. I dont have to carry all this weight. I have a loving, kind Savior that is continually there to bear the burdens I cant control. Its through our savior that I can remain peaceful and prepared for whatever may come good or bad. Its a time where my Faith has to be stronger and more bolder then ever before. I dont ave control over the fate of this magnificent soul, but I do have control over my attitude and internal Dialog. I can not remain peaceful and still if I dont allow myself to give those challenges to my Father in Heaven. Since leaving facebook and spending more time on my knees rather then to the world I have seen huge change in my attitude and spirit. Its through Scripture study and prayer that I have found all answers I desire for myself and family.

After my appt I was sent over to the hospital to be monitored for my blood pressure. Perry went home to take care of the boys. As I was driving home by myself there wasnt one song on the radio that didnt speak or sing of faith and hope. Through this pregnancy I have grown to really understand how the spirit talks to me. He speaks to me softly....I can only hear him if I am still and quite. I hear him through inspirational songs and pondering over our daily scripture studies. We have been talking lately about Job and his devotion and obedience to God through all his trials. I would hope I cold follow in his example. That when all seems to be falling apart around me that I could be reminded that our Father in Heaven is always there to catch our fall. Trials happen for our own good. I have enjoyed all the lessons I've learned over this past year for remaining true to my faith. I will not give up now.

The one song that stood out to me on the radio was " I am your angel" By R Kelly and Celine Dion. Its on my playlist. Its a beautiful song. It was a powerful song as I was driving home. In a time of pondering to listen to those words just confirms to me that everything is gonna be okay either way and whatever baby and I go through this next month its all for a reason. I dont understand all things but I do know I have been blessed in my life to have a Guardian Angel. That angel has carried me through many hard times in my life, this one being no exception. I believe I will be carried through this next month with peace and stillness if I continue to lean and rely on the Holy Ghost for direction.

At a time of Thanksgiving I am eternally grateful for Inner Peace.