Spiritual Thought Sunday- Impulse Control

Okay Im gonna be starting something new this next week. You see my blog is mainly for my family's keepsake. Each year I make a year book of all my post for that year. This year I wanted to focus on my testimony and scanning some old photographs to make record of. I feel theres a lot of lost memories that I have not yet recorded or written about.So starting this upcoming week I will be holding two special days on my blog for the keepsake of my family and to hopefully uplift myself and others around me.

Spiritual Thought Sunday
and
Flashback Friday

As I start this weekly spiritual entry I would hope that one day when my kids and their wives grow up and read through our Family Yearbooks that they would gain strength through some of the trials and glories that we endured as a family. And that maybe as my dear close friends read these post they too can be strengthen as we endure this journey of life together hopefully and relate to similar situations in their lives. So todays spiritual thought.

Impulse Control:
This has been a very interesting weekend full of great moments that have strengthened my testimony. Lets back track a bit. A couple days before Ryan was born Perry gave me a blessing to help prepare my emotions for this upcoming event. In this blessing he stated that this delivery would bring a strong and healthy baby, but would leave me in a long, painful recovery. I was to hold on tight with faith and always turn to my Father in Heaven through prayer. I was to remain close to Thee and never give up. If I did so the Lord would bless me with peace, strength, and determination.
Once Ryan was born this blessing remained very true. Ryan was born healthy and strong with no proof of Down Syndrome. What an absolute miracle. I will have to catch you up on that experience at a later date. As the days rolled by at the hospital I began to be concerned about my incision area. it was swollen and very painful. Nurses told me its normal. A week later The incision broke open during one of my morning showers. It scared me to death. Lots of blood and lots of pain. We pulled together as a family and MiMi took over the kids while Perry rushed me to the doctors office. To make a long story short we spent the next 4 weeks cleaning it out and packing it with gauze each and every day. First my sister cleaned the wound, then Perry, then my mom. It was very painful and brought me to one of the worst pains ever felt. I couldnt even walk or move without falling into tears. To be honest I hardly ever relied on prayer. I just figured Heavenly Father wanted me to just suffer through this so I did. After several weeks of no improvement my doctor thought it was time to start visiting the local "Wound Clinic". I did just that and they helped a lot with bandaging it properly and allowing a more pain free experience. Its been nice and I was very hopeful.
I went in this past week for a check up with the Wound Doctor and my Lady Doctor. They both agreed that after 6 weeks this wound wasnt gonna heal up on its own. They decided its now time for another surgery. Time to reopen the entire incision and clean out the giant clot that wasnt absorbing back into my body. I would then have to continue seeing the wound clinic for proper care until he wound closed up form the inside out. yes you heard me I would have to back track these whole 6 weeks and start all over again. Back to the intense pain and agony. Would I be able to survive another round of this. I just want to be a normal functioning mom, that is capable of managing her own life and family and spending all these last time precious moments with my newborn pain free. But thats not the path I have been chosen to follow. I still get to be all of the above but just mingled with pain and stress.
That leads me into the title of my post. Impulse Control. You may wonder what that has to do with my situation, but it has everything to do with it. This past year has been a constant daily reminder of all my inner weaknesses and challenges. I have been tested and challenged as a Mother, Wife, Sister and Friend.
Today was ward council and I just want to say one thing. "Did they formulate their topic around my needs" It sure felt that way, or maybe its just confirmation that I truly am not alone in these situations.

Let me just say and be bluntly honest I never in my wildest imagination thought having 4 kids would be this tough. Dont get me wrong I love each and every one of my children to pieces, its just plain hard work. I sometimes feel like Im not cut out for this job. I wake up each day and find myself questioning why I just couldnt be happy with two. I mean I see some of my friends with two children and they have all the time in the world to give each of those kids the or complete devotion. Now I might add that some of my friends wish desperately to be in my shoes and for that it humbles me and makes me grateful for these trials and has taught me to hinder these complaints. Theres always someone worse and better then you right. And thats what keeps my focus.

Bishop Woodbury and President Hause Both gave wonderful talks that truly fit the part as far as the trials in my life right now. They talked both on controlling the negative impulses that feed our outlook on the trials we face each day. They talked about the pioneers and how they were forced to bury their lifeless children along the cold dreary roads. They explained that if those Mothers can be strong enough to let go of their heartaches and burdens then why cant we with ours. And when will we learn to turn over our pain and suffering to the Lord and not carry the weight alone. What kind of impulses do we have that alters the spirit in our home and the peace in our lives. What hinders our ability to grow through our challenges and see the meaning behind the. I will let you know I have many things I need to take out of my wagon and bury on the side of the road. I toss these 5 things out of my life TODAY...not tomorrow...TODAY. And I do it through a broken heart, contrite spirit, and prayer. If those pioneer Mothers and Wives could hand over their Husbands and Children to the Lord and find the courage to move forward with determination, then I too can follow in their footsteps. This is nothing in comparison to that.

Tolerance
Pride
loneliness
control
sharp tongue
anxiety

I will work harder from now on to be more tolerant and patient with my kids, husband, and health through stressful times. My impulse that I need to work on as I face these 5 weaknesses is my tongue. I need to learn to bridal my tongue and turn these weaknesses into strengths. I sometimes shout or say things I dont mean only because I dont know how to handle these 5 weakness when under pressure. Through the talks at church I have learned that only through my Father in Heaven may I overcome these struggles. My soul yearns and desires more peace and solace through the storms of life. I need to understand that this is not my season for deep committed friendships. Im not alone Im just busy with my young little family. If Perry and my family are my best friends at this moment in time then Im okay with that. Loneliness is only an access the adversary has on my soul and testimony. Theres a season and time for everything and as my patriotical blessings says my best of friend are within the walls of my home. I now truly believe that and wont fight against it and allow it to tear me down as a Mother and Wife. I have a few close friends that truly are wonderful to my family and I and I cherish them in my life. See Im used to have a gazillion friends in high school and now I have a few very close friends and thats okay. Theres a time a season for everything, but like I said Im am very grateful to my close friends who have unconditionally supported and loved me through all of my health issues and never gave up on me when I wasnt up to pare in the friendship. Quality is better then quantity when it comes to true friendships. Theres no need for me to feel lonely when it comes to that. Heavenly Father gave me challenges in my health to help me overcome these weaknesses. Instead of fighting against him I will embrace and accept the challenges my health brings and do it with dignity and respect for myself and others around me.

That brings me back to that wonderful blessing perry gave me before Ryans delivery. it is time to stop being so stubborn and fall to my knees more often during the day in times of stress and allow him to help me manage these weaknesses better and let go of the control and roll with the punches. Let the small stuff wash over me. be more still not only inside but outside too. If I do these I can achieve a happy and joyful life as the scriptures promise. For our challenges and trials will always haunt us, but they wont alter the unity of our family. Keep the Lord centered in your life and toss those bad impulses and habits out of the wagon. As I face surgery this next week this will be my new goal. Things will continue to be stressful and chaotic as we have a newborn in the house and a Mother trying to heal. Weve seen that these past 6 weeksand in the past with my cancer, but this time around we will all focus as a family on how we handle it and what our impulses are to this stress. Through prayer I believe we as a family will be able to conquer any and all trials with peace and understanding in our home. I believe thats my lessons to be learned through all these health issues all these years. For that im grateful for these struggles. it makes me stronger as a Mother, Wive, Sister, and Friend.